Rules to survival

Yes i got this from Zombieland, but these are the best rules there are.

Rule 1: Cardio: This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes alot of sense. How many fat people do you see at the end of the world when its zombies doing the ending?
Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms: Really not just bathrooms any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better then going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out. Only thing stupider to go into then a bathroom is a movie theater. Lots of places to run around before you get eaten.
Rule 3: Seatbelts: Its a safe bet unless your a complete dumb dumb ( see rule #7 ) your not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when travelling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse then finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.
Rule 4: Doubletap: Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last minute 'oh shit' moment remember to double tap. Its an emergency and thats why your using it and not your cricket bat so why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.
Rule 5: No Attachments: This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you got kids or a wife your less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like 'going back into the room'
Rule 6: Travel in a Group: The best way to increase your odds of survival when travelling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure your a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who cant run and the middle aged woman with the plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds you can run away faster then they can.
Rule 7: Keep the Dumb Dumbs Close at Hand: One of the most sure fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you 'Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely to stupid to realize its not Amway calling and run.
Rule 8: Kill with Efficiency: Its not about pretty its about efficiency. Alot of folks run for the gun cabinet where as the truly savvy go looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat... to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency... dont use weapons that need something to work and use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You dont tend to run into 1 zombie at a time.
Rule 9: Guns Are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing: This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. Its not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!
Rule 10: Be Quiet: Its the end of the world as you know it so try to avoid squeeling like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you have to kill all the zombies and there is certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal.
Rule 15: Know Your Way out! Nothing worse then a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero its always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out!
Rule 17: Don't Be a Hero: The hot chick who was totally gonna give you some is not worth becoming the undead. So when the going gets rough and the hot chick is about to get undead... its time to flee. No making a stand no ending up a brave zombie. Better to be a chicken liver live guy.
Rule 18: Limber Up: When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies its not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of a must. Stretch it out a little.. it may save your life.
Rule 19: Blend in: Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. Whens the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face it can happen.
Rule 20: Find The Right Shelter: Shelter is key to survival but since we are already travelling in a group you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighbourhood there is no last minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!
Rule 21: Zombies cant Climb. Much like you have never seen a zombie eat another zombie whens the last time you saw a zombie climb a wall? Well other then the debacle that was the remake of Day of the Dead which had spiderman zombies. Zombies can climb so find high ground if you do need to stop.
Rule 22: Be ruthless: Much like having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.
Rule 23: God Bless Rednecks: Rednecks are loud, brash, well armed and ready to kick ass now and ask questions later. So when a redneck shows up in your group half drunk and rumbling louder then your humvee welcome him. Sure rednecks can attract zombies but they also are well armed and kill a whole lot of em when they do come for dinner. Best of all they are good bait for you to make your exit while he is making a mess of the zombies and before he realizes he just ran out of bullets and does the happy meal groan.
Rule 24: No Drinking. This one should be pretty plain obvious. Escaping zombies is tough enough as it is. How well do you think you will do after downing a couple shots of Jack Daniels? Drinking is not a good survival tactic.
Rule 31: Check the Back Seat. I cant tell you how many times somebody has eaten it or in this case been eaten because they are just not smart enough to check the back seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!
Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things: Its the end of the world. Dont sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighbourhood or two, trash a car, speed! Do the little things and enjoy em. Who knows how long you have to live!
As much as I promised you 32 rules this is where my list ends. It ends so you can fill in your own for all the numbers I skipped! Yes I do know how to count to 32 ( but not 50 ). What other key rules does civilization need to abide by to survive in a land filled with zombies? Leave them in the comments!

haha did you post that straight from the website? in any case thats a lot of good rules there and ill try to post more if i think of them

flying_seven wrote:haha did you post that straight from the website? in any case thats a lot of good rules there and ill try to post more if i think of them

Lol no, i got it from several website, i just re-worded some of them, and combined them into one whole thing.

Number 33: Keep Moving- the longer you stay in one place the more danger you are in, being constantly on the move is good so if you run out of resources or are discovered you can find new places to raid or squat in

Number 34: Location, Location, Location- keep it rural, always avoid crowed cities and suburban areas, the country is a good place to be, a lot of open space and fewer people to deal with maybe even some survivors or settlements not affected by the virus.

Number 35: Treasure Hunter- always have a goal set for a place to go, also use maps to avoid problem areas and stay on the right trail

Number 36: Dumpster Diver- if you have the man power, resources, and the major cajonies it would take to go raid a store or a house when there is a possibility of zombie inhabitants, do it as much as possible. in post-apocolyptia the resources we take most for granted like water, gas, and food will become oh so precious, and thats where you will find them

Now what if some of these back fire? lol. but there great rules, because with out order there would be nothing.

My rules?

Rule 1, don't be retarded
Rule 2, stay quiet, stay smart and pay attention to everything and no stupid decisions.
Rule 3, keep a calm head, don't freak out.
Rule 4, Only bring the people you trust.
Rule 5, grab some twinkes.

Satashi wrote:My rules?

Rule 1, don't be retarded
Rule 2, stay quiet, stay smart and pay attention to everything and no stupid decisions.
Rule 3, keep a calm head, don't freak out.
Rule 4, Only bring the people you trust.
Rule 5, grab some twinkes.

But can you really trust anyone at a time like that? I mean ppl change if there life depends on it.

True, but nobody can be sure in a time like that and wandering alone is death, so i guess in a zombie apocalypse the best choice is suicide?
ಠ_ಠ

Maybe, but if you do kill yourself remember bullet in the head, don't want to come back as a zombie lol.

Adam Williams wrote:Maybe, but if you do kill yourself remember bullet in the head, don't want to come back as a zombie lol.

Lol, maybe tie yourself down just to make sure.

Satashi wrote:

Adam Williams wrote:Maybe, but if you do kill yourself remember bullet in the head, don't want to come back as a zombie lol.

Lol, maybe tie yourself down just to make sure.

You know what while were at it just get some cement a 5 gal. bucket and go to a lake. i think you get the idea right?

a new parking lot?

Satashi wrote:a new parking lot?

No.... Mix the cement put it in the bucket then step in the bucket let it dry then fall in lake. Duh.